JOYEUX BIRTHDAY !!! (FR/EN)

À l’intention des petit(e)s nouv(elles)(eaux) sur franckyvonrichard.com

Ce site, dont c’est aujourd’hui l’anniversaire (+ quelques mois), existe depuis l’an de grâce 2007 (lire ici les détails de l’histoire). D’outil de promotion pour de superbes chansons/clips (kinopanorama), il est peu à peu devenu une sorte de miroir (ecce homo)  pas si déformant que ça d’un monde que les média nous déforment d’entrée de jeu et avec force complaisance. Autant vous dire que sur fyr, on a jamais eu la moindre confiance en la veulerie de journalistes plus ou moins illettrés qui, le plus souvent, ne font que prolonger la veulerie de politiciens plus que moins véreux, qui mangent avec appétit dans la gamelle que de méga escrocs de moins en moins nombreux car de plus en plus riches et voraces leur servent à la louche. De méga escrocs qui n’ont rien à péter de l’enfer qu’ils font vivre à 8 milliards de nano bipèdes à poil ras dont la plupart s’empressent de passer le message aux autres espèces. Et vas-y que je fonce chez le boucher pour ma dose de « protéines animales sinon c’est pas des protéines », chez le pharmacien pour mes médocs + ou – efficaces contre mon cancer, mais garantis à base de tortures scientifiquement infligées à toutes sortes de cobayes aussi incrédules qu’en parfaite santé. Dans le même désordre d’idées, « saison de chasse » oblige, le moindre truc qui court a intérêt à courir vite, le moindre truc qui vole, à voler en zigzag et encore, avec méfiance : à partir de la pause de 10 h, pousse-cafés et bières engloutis, les gros(se)s con(ne)s ne tirent plus qu’en zigzag. Autant vous dire que sur fyr le respect de la vie animale arrive en tête de gondole de toutes les considérations d’ordre philosophico éthico ontologique dignes d’être abordées.

Bon sinon, soyez pas surpris si sur fyr on donne de plus en plus dans le bilinguisme. D’une part, qu’on le veuille ou non l’anglais est la langue de l’avenir s’il en reste et d’autre part les bouquins de F.Y. Richard (moi) dont il m’arrive de faire la promo s’efforcent d’exister dans les deux cultures. Tiens pisqu’on en cause, je recommande chaudement l’intégralité des liens à découvrir dans la liste à votre droite en entrant sur le site.

JOYEUX BIRTHDAY donc et, vu qu’on est en plein dans les commémorations, n’oubliez surtout pas d’envoyer le terroriste tueurs de femmes et d’enfants Nétanyahou devant le tribunal international comme promis. Maintenant qu’il a obtenu la peine de mort pour les oiseaux dans son genre dans son pays de colons, ça pourrait donner des idées intéressantes à ses juges…

Bisous

 

For newcomers to franckyvonrichard.com

This site, which is celebrating its anniversary today  (a couple of months late), has been around since 2007 (read the details of its history here). From a promotional tool for superb songs/videos (kinopanorama)  that will take a few more decades still to be appreciated, it has gradually become a kind of mirror (ecce homo ), not so distorted, of a world that the media distort from the start and with great complacency. It must be said that at fyr, we have never shown the slightest confidence in the spinelessness of more or less illiterate journalists who, more often than not, merely prolong the spinelessness of more than a little crooked politicians, who eagerly eat from the trough that mega-crooks, fewer and fewer in number as they become increasingly voracious, serve them with a ladle. Mega-crooks who couldn’t care less about the hell they put 8 billion mini hairy bipeds through, most of whom are quick to pass the message on to other species. And so I rush to the butcher for my dose of “animal protein, otherwise it’s no protein at all,” to the pharmacist for my meds, which are more or less effective against my cancer but 100% guaranteed based on scientifically inflicted torture on all kinds of guinea pigs as incredulous as they are perfectly healthy. In the same vein, with “hunting season” in full swing, anything that runs had better run fast, anything that flies had better fly in zigzags and even then, with caution: from 10 a.m. onwards, after gulping down coffee and beer, the armed jerks only shoot in zigzags! Suffice it to say that at fyr, respect for animal life is at the forefront of all philosophical, ethical, and ontological considerations worthy of discussion.

Anyway, don’t be surprised if fyr becomes increasingly bilingual. On the one hand, whether we like it or not, English is the language of the future, if there is one, and on the other hand, the books by F.Y. Richard (me), which I sometimes promote, strive to exist in both cultures. Speaking of which, I highly recommend checking out all the links in the list on the right when entering the site.

JOYEUX BIRTHDAY then, and since we’re in the middle of commemorations, don’t forget to send the terrorist murderer of women and children Netanyahu to the international court where he belongs as promised. Now that he has obtained the death penalty for birds of his feather in his country of sick colonists, it could give his judges some interesting ideas…

xxx

Commissioner B.’s Christmas dream

Hey, Juchremans! Russia’s attacks on Ukraine are ramping up, Israel continues to “defend” itself by annexing the West Bank, under the tender although (ever so)slightly disapproving gaze of its genocide partner, itself closely monitored by the BMW team, world’s fossil fuel emissions rise and rise but, thank God, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand Skims have reached their all time best, hitting $5bn valuation!

Meanwhile, Commissioner B. has had a strange Christmas dream…

*     *     *

That Christmas morning, Commissioner B. had an excuse for feeling sluggish. Two, in fact. The first, purely metabolic, was the empty bottle of “Teeling Brabazon Bottling Series 1” sitting on the coffee table next to an empty glass. As a rule he didn’t drink much but, coming home last night, he needed to get rid of the smell of disinfectant and hospital medicine that Dr. Doux and… “Hot Lips” (see second excuse) had generously passed along to him in Edelman’s overheated office.

The second excuse was the relentless flashbacks of a mind-boggling Christmas dream. A dream inspired by one of his father’s favorite movies, a masterpiece of anti-army dark humor that he himself had discovered with gleeful delight years after its release: “M*A*S*H.” In his remake, the scene where O’Houlihan, the psycho-rigid nurse, ends up getting laid by major Frank Burns (“Frank! Kiss my burning lips!”) took place in the straw of a nativity scene! With him in the role of “Frank Melchior » and Janique Goulard as “Hot Lips.” “Gaspard” Edelman and “Balthazar” Doux didn’t miss a thing, the bastards! They even encouraged him to honor harder and harder the cheeky girl, whose cries of recognition filled the sacred stable.

However, at one point, he had had doubts about the real meaning of his partner’s increasingly loud display of emotion. “Hot Lips” was desperately waving an arm toward the baby Jesus, whose face was turning blue. The divine infant was choking! So much so that, sacrificing the promise of an orgasm she had been eagerly anticipating a second earlier, Janique “Hot Lips” Goulard had energetically pushed him away and rushed to the rescue of the Son of God. Grabbing Baby Jesus by the feet she had shaken Him vigorously, so that He would spit out the indigestible pacifier. That was when it had become obvious that the Sacred Baby was wearing soccer cleats…

 

Read more? Download Commissioner B. goes south

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Encounter of the weird kind

Who cares about Pochtrump, that bigoted BMW puppet of a dictator, and his war criminal buddies, when you can enjoy “Commissioner B. goes south,” chilling out quietly in slippers by the fire, after sweating all day on those motherfucking pyramids?

*     *     *

About a hundred yards down the road from the sign he spotted a small forest path on the right. Was it precognition? Sixth sense? Extreme caution in unfamiliar territory? He slowed down to a crawl. The next second, the reason for this irrational move emerged from the  path. At first, he thought it was a deer or a wild boar. Except that wild boars rarely run on their hind legs. He slammed on the brakes. As surprised as he was, the creature stopped dead in its tracks and stood there, hypnotized by the fog lights. If it wasn’t a boar, it sure had the fur. Long, shaggy hair and a thick beard covered the face that protruded from the thick canvas jacket, buttoned up to the collar.

Before the individual tried to shield them from the sudden light, B. had seen his eyes. They were filled with intense fear. The din coming on his tail made him turn around in panic. Returning to the hood of the car, he stretched out an arm as if to prevent it from starting up again and running him over. Half a second later he had crossed the road and disappeared into the woods on the other side.

Surprisingly for a cop, when forced to choose, Commissioner B.  tended to side with the hunted rather than the hunter.  He figured that by moving forward just a little, he would block the exit from the path…

Read more? Download Commissioner B. goes south

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The world will know

Okay people, let’s forget for a moment  we’re here toiling away like Pyramid builders back in ancient Egypt. Haven’t I told you about my friend Commissioner B. ? Want a sample?

*     *     *

Atmosphere. After turning the massage parlor graciously sponsored by his mother-in-law into a brothel, the jealous husband would film his wife/business partner’s services!

“Pictures and sound, gentlemen! Pictures and sound! Decency compels me to skip the pictures…” A lewd chuckle (mingled with a hint of bitterness), “…As for the sound, the conversations of these unscrupulous slanderers leave no doubt as to their willingness to sacrifice their respective families on the altar of their guilty passion.”

But where had this child from the suburbs of Bangkok learned to speak so learnedly? From the local officials who jostled at the door of his exotic bordello? Had the honorable intellectuals, writers, artists, and politicians (some of whom were quick to proclaim,  on television or elsewhere, the indescribable joy of being unbuttoned by a child) given him private lessons?

“The world will know, Commissioner! The world will know all about their plan to run away together! Like thieves! Leaving Port-Léon without anyone knowing! To go and settle in the countryside! That scoundrel of a farang claimed he was about to inherit a castle! A castle, Commissioner! Ah, you should have heard him speculating about his own mother’s death, that good-for-nothing! Date after date, he worked her up into a frenzy, that loose woman…”

“Less than nothing,” “loose woman.” More delightfully vintage expressions gleaned from prostate-dependent gentlemen, fervent believers in essential oil body rubs…

“…Like they were going to start over from scratch… Set up a bed and breakfast, rent out rooms, or whatever… The ‘high life’, as they say…”

As they used to say, dude. It’s about time you brushed up on your linguistic fundamentals. Ask Chef Poiret to set you up with Netflix. Or listen to a little K-pop, may be…

 

Read more? Download Commissioner B. goes south

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Who’s who (EN/FR)

Hey, Juchremans! Not so hot this morning! Thank God, next to the trash cans you’ll find loads of warm and cozy cardboard boxes for the lucky little ones who, summer and winter alike, enjoy life in the great open air!

Since it’s Sunday, we’re offering you a couple of new excerpts from Homo juchremanensis. Just another version of the birth of the « third thief »… And the mysterious mystery that goes with it.

Chap 2 : ABRAHAM WASHES WHITER/ 3. Company chart

[…]

And yet, would you believe that back in the +600s, at the headquarters of the new Chosen People, they weren’t sure they’d made the most of a theory of life so juicy for Holy Growth. […]

*     *     *

United States of America / headquarters of the multinational Procter & Gamble, year + 1967

– Gamble, you asleep?

– Nope. You, Procter?

– Course not, I’m talking to you.

– And ?

– And according to our latest market study, worldwide demand for washing machines has jumped again, while our combined sales of Bonux and Dash are stagnating a little…

– Let me guess, Procter! You’re saying it might be time to release a new label before Unilever grazes us!

– You read my mind, Gambly boy! I’ve even thought of a possible angle of attack. It was those hippy-dippy, back-to-nature bastards who gave it to me, you’ll laugh! Our next baby – “Ariel” is a nice name, don’t you think? – would stand out from the rest with its entirely BIO-LO-GIC formula!

– What do you mean by that?

– Absolutely nothing, that’s the whole idea! Now let me reassure you: like always, it will cost us dedicated packaging, period. As for the rest, business as usual!

– Procter, I love you! And I’m going to love Ariel, the first bionogenic washing powder in the free world!

– Biologic, Gamble, biologic…

*     *     *

[…]

To sum up:

1/ Ishmael is Abraham’s eldest son BUT conceived out of wedlock.

2/ Isaac is the legal fruit of the union between Sarah and Abraham BUT the youngest of the siblings.

…If not the least of the worries of biblical history buffs! For, to this day, the enigma of the “ almost sacrificed son ” remains unsolved. Which of Ishmael (Isma’il) or Isaac was used to test Abraham/Ibrahim’s faith ?

… Read Homo juchremanensis and form your own opinion about the founding disputes that contributed to making our entry into the AGE OF HUMANITY impossible! — for now 😉

KindleEpub

 

(FR)

Salut les Juchréman(e)s! Pas chaud ce matin ! Bah, à côté des poubelles y a plein de cartons d’emballages bien chauds et si confortables pour les petit(e)s veinard(e)s qui, été comme hiver, profitent de la vie au grand air !

Comme c’est dimanche, on vous propose d’autres passages d’Homo juchrémanensis. Une version comme une autre de la naissance du troisième larron… Et du mystère mystérieux qui lui est consubstantiel.

Chap 2 : ABRAHAM LAVE PLUS BLANC/ 3. Organigramme

[…]

Et pourtant, le croiriez-vous, dans les années + 600, au siège du nouveau Peuple élu, on est  pas certain d’avoir tiré le maximum d’une théorie du vivant aussi juteuse pour la Sainte Croissance. […]

*   *   *

États-Unis d’Amérique / siège de la multinationale Procter & Gamble, année + 1967

– Gamble, tu dors ?

– Non, et toi Procter ?

– Non, puisque je te parle.

– Et ?

– Et à en croire notre dernière étude de marché, la demande mondiale en machines à laver a encore fait un bond pas possible alors que nos ventes de Bonux et Dash conjuguées stagnent un chouïa…

– Laisse-moi deviner, Procter ! Tu te dis qu’il serait temps de sortir un nouveau label avant qu’Unilever nous broute l’herbe sous le pied !

– Tu lis dans mes pensées, Gambly boy ! J’ai même pensé à un angle d’attaque innovant. Tu vas rire mais ce sont ces grands couillons de hippies et leur délire de retour à la nature qui me l’ont soufflé ! Notre prochain bébé – « Ariel » c’est un joli nom, tu trouves pas ? – se distinguerait des autres par sa formule entièrement BIO-LO-GIQUE !

– Qu’est-ce que t’entends par là, Proc ?

– Rien du tout, c’est ça l’idée ! Comme d’hab’ ça nous coûterait un emballage dédié, point barre. Pour le reste, la routine ! On change une molécule çà et là et on balance tout sur le même circuit de fabrication / promotion / distribution…

– Procter, je t’aime ! Et je sens que je vais aimer Ariel, la première lessive bionogique du monde libre !

– BioLogique, Gamble, biologique…

[…]

Nous retiendrons que :

1/ Ismaël est l’aîné des fils d’Abraham MAIS conçu hors mariage.

2/ Isaac est le fruit légitime de l’union entre Sarah et Abraham MAIS le cadet de la fratrie.

..Sinon celui des soucis des passionnés d’histoire biblique ! Car, à ce jour, l’énigme du « fils presque sacrifié » n’est toujours pas élucidée. Qui d’Ismaël (Isma’il) ou d’Isaac a servi à tester la profondeur de la foi d’Abraham/ Ibrahim ?

*     *     *

… Lisez Homo juchrémanensis et faites-vous votre propre opinion sur les querelles fondatrices qui ont contribué à rendre impossible notre accession à l’ÈRE DE L’HUMANITÉ ! — pour l’instant 😉

EpubKindle